File under: Mothers Against Dumbass Drivers

Funniest?? Weirdest?? twelve-inch letters affixed across the windshield of an SUV in the Wendy's parking lot:

"MILF"

There is a big-ass truck in this town that has "WELL-HUNG" displayed on the tinted glass, but we're used to that one after a couple of years. So yesterday the daughters and I had to check out the woman in the milf-mobile driver's seat in order to discern whether there is truth in the advertising.

"Nope."
"Not me."
"No way."
We agreed - my seventeen year old, my twenty one year old, and myself - aged 46 - that none of us would care to f**k the big-haired mother whose cigarette dangled precariously from a downturned mouth. But then we decided to analyze this.

What sort of mother would claim that she is a "Mother I'd Like to F**k" to the general driving audience in this conservative Christian town? Does this claim suggest that she believes that everyone would like to f**k her? Or, wait... does that mean that she wishes that she could f**k herself, since the term is first person? Otherwise, wouldn't it be more accurate to call herself a MYLF... "mother you'd like to f**k"? But something about "mylf" sounds sort of like the extreme feminist term "womyn", hinting at unshaved legs and goddess worship. And if an ardent lover put these vinyl letters on her SUV - well, is this a bragging right, or is this mother perhaps a part-time hooker? If so, why isn't there a phone number or at least an e-mail address so that the milf fantasy can commence?

And good Lord, what about the children? I can't think of anything more embarrassing than riding in THAT vehicle.

Suddenly, the faded paint and dented front-end of my '93 Isuzu pickup I was driving (and especially the mildewing Grateful Dead sticker we affixed to the window back in '95 when Jerry Garcia died) seems positively tasteful.

NTD

P.S. Although I reported the death of my Isuzu back in the winter, I am happy to tell you that you can't keep a good truck down. Even an ugly one.