R.I.P. Albert Hofmann, father of LSD.

Sweet dreams, and thanks for altering the consciousness of so many - including me.

NTD

Well Said

From salon.com's Dear Cary:

One does not write only to display one's talent. One also writes as a spiritual practice and a mode of self-discovery. One writes in order to see. One writes in order to remember. Writing is like a sixth sense used to apprehend a reality not detected by the other five. It is the memory-sense, or the feeling-sense, the organ through which we make known to each other a rich world not otherwise knowable. It is also the medium through which we make known history and the soul of our culture. It keeps something alive that otherwise might die. It is an important act regardless of whether it gains an individual writer fame and praise.

NTD

Full-fetal umbilicus separated spoon

According to Janet Kinosian in her book The Well-Rested Woman: 60 Soothing Suggestions for Getting a Good Night's Sleep, there are four basic sleeping positions which indicate certain personality traits. They are:

1. In the prone position, sleeper lies face down on the stomach with arms extended and bent, usually framed above the head. People who regularly sleep in the prone position - and both Madonna and I are in this category, interestingly enough - tend to have strong compulsive tendencies and stubbornness in their personalities and are persistent and goal-oriented.

2. The royal position is the geometric opposite of the prone. The royal sleeper lies supine, fully on the back, with arms slightly akimbo at the sides. It's an open, vulnerable and expansive position, and these people display self-confidence and self-involvement. Workaholic businessmen and entrepreneurs often prefer this position.

3. The most common position, the semi-fetal, has sleepers lying on their sides with knees slightly bent, one arm outstretched above the head, the other resting comfortably on the opposing upper arm to cradle the head. Conciliatory, compromising, non-threatening, non-shakers; sleep experts claim this to be the optimal sleep posture position.

4. The full-fetal is the characteristic womb position. Sleepers lie curled on their sides, with knees pulled all the way up, heads bent forward. Usually a pillow or blanket mass is centered at the stomach. These people are highly emotional, sensitive, artistic, and have intense one-on-one relationships. Oddly, it's found that women who sleep in this position normally have heightened capacity for multiple orgasms.

Add four (or more) pillows to Position Number Four and there I am, Ms. Intense. While I wonder how they would quantify that heightened orgasmic capacity, I won't complain about such positive assumptions.

NTD

Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.

- Albert Einstein

NTD

My daughter Sarah has declined to sit through the traditionally interminable stadium gathering in Athens known as the University of Georgia graduation ceremony. Instead, we'll play hooky, eat barbecue, and let UGA mail her two(!) degrees to the house the following week.

This is a particularly good plan for me upon the news that UGA has booked Supreme Court Justice "Long Dong" Clarence Thomas to speak at graduation. That would be even worse than when I yawned through the glories of chicken eating back when the founder of Chic-fil-a spoke at my sister's ceremony.

NTD

...and now my beloved (and only) niece has leukemia.

What's up, universe?

NTD

Life at the Cuckoo's Nest

I returned my father to his home from the hospital yesterday around 4:50. By 4:58, I began questioning the wisdom of this.

Craniotomies are funny things. The speech comes and goes and rational thought comes and goes. And when both disappear, it's difficult to determine how far the patient has strayed from what used to be (so-called) "normal". For instance, the minute we left him alone in the bathroom, he found pills in the cabinet that suddenly looked pretty tasty. His house is not childproofed or crazyoldman-proofed in the least.

But I made Daddy promise to be good and left him with my stepmom who was preparing a dinner for him (pureed, as indicated on the doctors' orders). Then I went to my own home, which is starting to suffer from serious neglect.

The phone calls from my stepmother - not a strong woman, to say it politely - began around 10:30 p.m. Around 6:45 a.m. I told her to try not to cry and I would call home health care at 8:00.

So today - which was supposed to be the official day of celebration for my daughter's eighteenth birthday - we will be instead celebrating "Get Every Vitamin and Pill Out of the House and Move All the Cords off the Floor and Threaten to take Daddy to the Nursing Home if He Misbehaves" Day.

And I apologize for complaining when so many others go through more difficult times than this. I realize that I have been extraordinarily lucky in life. But while some blogging days are for bragging and some for expressing gratefulness, and some simply describe a moment in one's personal time and space without commentary - a morning like this is made for venting about one's crazy (and getting crazier) family.

NTD

A quote by Marianne Williamson, not Nelson Mandela as commonly attributed:

OUR DEEPEST fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

NTD

My little tomato and pepper seedlings are getting their true leaves, and the sunflowers are towering over everything else already. My formerly black thumb is showing shades of green (so far).

Even on these worst days, there's a ray of sunshine when I really need it.

But I still plan to call the doctor's office and beg for a dozen anti-anxiety pills to get me through this next month.

NTD

Another day, another hospital visit. On the bright side, Daddy is strong and his vital signs are great. We just miss his frontal and temporal lobes working like they should. But the nurses assure us that things will be much better in the next few days.

I'm waiting.

NTD

Ain't Misbehaving...

...no sir, not when I'm in ICU trying not to fall apart while my dad thrashes in mental confusion and my sister is exerting every atom of her Leo narcissism directly toward us unwilling bystanders (which is a remarkable hat trick in which one can convolute all concerns both reasonable and unreasonable about medical competence directed toward a beloved family member and still twist all attention entirely to one's self and one's latest gallery showing until other caring family members only abstain from fratricide because we are, after all, here to support Daddy, not to upset him).

I try to remember that the higher path of family life is to remember to put the "fun" in "dysfunctional".

If any of you readers are of the praying variety, please remember my Dad in your prayers.

NTD

Two Things

First: My family began gathering at my father's hospital bed yesterday. It's an estrogen pit, and as strange as anything television producers dream of for reality shows. I am not in the mood to parade the colorful characters right here and now; maybe later. It's disquieting to being thrown in a very small room together and noting which of us fed Daddy (my sister was remarkably patient, being such a Type A non-nurturer by nature); who combed his hair on this last day before they shave it for brain surgery (most of us); and who grabbed the plastic urinal for Daddy first (none of us - we all yelled for the nurse). We're very imperfect but are all on our best behavior, because this is a serious surgery.

It all starts over again in an hour.

Second: I recommend Alice Walker's essay which appeared on alternet.org this week:

http://alternet.org/election08/80898/

NTD