We're heading to my Dad's today. I always wonder what gifts he will present us with - wonderful things which I imagine would have serious applications in an alternative universe. However, here on planet Earth, the usefulness of almost anything he has found in some obscure catalog is in serious doubt. The goodies usually involve being plugged into cigarette lighters or require batteries and include a large booklet of directions. And they're never the Hammacher-Schlemmer variety of gadgets - they're more like the knockoffs being closed out due to VERY GOOD REASONS.

We generally spend the next six months insisting to Daddy that the miniature electrobroom or the battery-operated tic tac toe game are indispensable to our everyday lives. Since the items are safely tucked away - frequently unopened - in the closet, we hope that he never asks for a demonstration.

But if love was the measure of a gift's worth, my father couldn't do better by us if he wrapped up a handful of diamonds.

NTD